Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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