i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
