Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
