did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
