I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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