Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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