last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
