What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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