I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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