Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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