Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
