I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
