last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
