i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
