not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My vagina is very pro this idea
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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