You can't motorboat a personality
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
