my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
