I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Text me some of your sweat
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
