You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
