Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
