your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
