So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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