My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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