last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
