If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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