My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
