the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
