she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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