All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
