I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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