Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
