Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ttyl tear gas
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
