Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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