I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Are we still banned from the library?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
