About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
