I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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