If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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