girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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