I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
