how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
