4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
