just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
