It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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