i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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