I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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