I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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