FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
