So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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