yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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