I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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