You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is this like a preordered booty call?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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